Putting Up the Tree

Well, today we finally got our Christmas Tree. If it wasn't
going to be today, then this year, it wouldn't have happened,
what with Christmas only being less than three weeks away.

Okay, let me say right off that I am not a Scrooge. I do love
the Christmas season, and just as much as for the festivity as
because of the fact that it celebrates the birth of Jesus. But
doing Christmas decorations...not so much. For lots of reasons.

Storing all the stuff is kind of a pain. Where we live, it all
goes up one of those narrow pull-down staircases in the garage
attic. Each box has to be shagged up the rickety tiny ladder
one by one, and then carefully shoved into a corner (being
mindful of the nails sticking out from the inside of the roof
mere inches from your skull):

I guess though, rather than complaining about having to do it
every year, I should be praising God that I can still DO it at
my age! My retirement home, wherever that may be, will for

sure have a small storage room on the ground floor of the house

where I can just walk in and dump the boxes on the ground. For

that matter, I am tired of hiking up and down stairs anyway, so

we will definitely be looking for a single-level house when that
time comes.

Every year, I lobby for an artificial tree, and this year I came
really close to success. I try to state my case as convincingly as
possible...they come pre-lit, so you don't have to string
lights. Just set it up and plug it in. No mess, no watering,
no fire hazard.

Really, the only advantage I can see that a real tree has is the
fantastic smell. That is huge. I concede that. But I can
never get them to stand up straight without messing around with
it. Those stands have the metal things that you screw in to
hold the tree. You know what I mean:



And you can screw them in real tight to hold the tree if it is
leaning one way or another:



But I never seem to get it right. Even after I think I have it
right, you have to let it sit for a while before you un-do that
plastic netting, because it will still lean:

I usually end up stacking magazines or newspapers under the
stand to compensate for the lean. The potential for a fall is
scary, because you have water and electricity mixing together,
not to mention the danger to these vintage ornaments that have
been in my family since the early 1960's:

I almost won this year...my bride told me "Fine, this year you can
go get a fake tree, it's ok by me."

Now, I have been married since 1988, and I TOOK the marriage
class before we got married. This was a special class just for
guys. And this little event is right out of Chapter Two...

How to Decipher the Hidden Meanings behind Random Statements

After a while, you just know how to interpret the hidden meaning
accurately. You do what needs to be done to preserve stability
within the domicile. For now, I will anticipate my favorite
time of the year...January 1...the date it all comes down and
goes away.

Peace be with you.