Some more random quotes that I have collected over the years:
The cow is nothing but a machine that makes grass fit for
us people to eat.
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose your job.
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a
dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are three ways to get something done:
1. Do it yourself.
2. Hire someone to do it for you.
3. Forbid your kids to do it.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to
the stupidity of your action.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly.
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to
borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house
as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
Peace be with you.