Saturday, January 16, 2010

How to have a Guilt-free Marriage

There are several things that I wish I had told my bride right
off the bat when I first met her. Things that, had I made
perfectly clear right from the beginning, I would have been able
to adhere to all throughout the marriage, without having any
negative repercussions. Such as:

I don't do painting

If she had been notified of this, then I would have saved myself
lots of trouble when she decided that various rooms needed to be
painted. Being the giving and generous husband that I am, I of
course helped her do the painting. But had I clearly stated my
dislike for painting early on in the relationship, I could have
legally declined to do any of it.

It would have been my loophole, I could have let her know she
was on her own without any of the guilt.
Along a similar line:

Don't ask my opinion on home decor

I will defer to you, my lovely bride. Whatever you like,
darling. Yes dear. My own preferences are wood paneling and
leather furniture, but whatever you think is best. Really.

I don't do Christmas decorations

See this early post for clarification.

I don't dance

I didn't dance when I was a kid in high school
(like I would have if I had the chance anyway, as I was
not exactly Mr. Popularity back then), and I hate to dance now.

Oh, I did it all right, in my 20's when I went to 'clubs', but
that was because it was the only sociably acceptable way to hang
out with the females. You really can't just sit and chat with all
that loud noise going on. You kinda hafta dance.

I prefer to just listen to the music rather than dance to it.
I am of the rather goofy, un-coordinated sort, and I am very
warm blooded and get hot and sweaty very easily. This is
compounded by the fact that by convention you are usually bound
up pretty tightly in 'dress-up' clothes, which just adds to my
discomfort regarding my temperature regulation.

See this post that illustrates how my lameness has caused me
to have a life-long distaste for sports.

Now, there have been times where I agreed to dance, but these
moments are very rare, and it would require that several
conditions be met:

1. The music would have to be my kind of music...rock and roll,
loud, and one of my favorite songs.

2. The environment must be comfortable, what I would consider
acceptable would be chilly by most other people's standards.

3. It must be fairly crowded, so I don't stand out too much

4. It wouldn't hurt for me to have a couple of Scotch on the
rocks under my belt beforehand.

And yes, I DID dance with my bride on our wedding, and I WILL
dance with her on our 25'th wedding anniversary in 2013!

Peace be with you


  1. LMAO! I think my hubs would have liked to have made his own list :P

  2. Hahaha I don't think she would have refused to marry you for these reasons ;) But it probably would have saved a lot of time when it came to renovations :P

  3. and I WILL
    dance with her on our 25'th wedding anniversary in 2013!

    Yes, only IF we get past 2012........ =D

  4. I just hope I can get past 2010!

  5. Imagine that... a man who doesn't like to dance, lol. Hmmm, this gives me something to think about... more questions to ask potential dates...